The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
