Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
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It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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