I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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