I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
