WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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