I hate your face
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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