hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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