it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
