worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
