Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
