Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
