He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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