The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
