so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there was a trapeze. enough said
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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