Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
