The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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