I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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