The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize