I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
