At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
