You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
