Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize