If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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