he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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