Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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