She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
