I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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