Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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