i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
