He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
