this just has baby written all over it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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