I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize