so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
