My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
