Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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