Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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