...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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