Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize