pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i came on her dog
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I want a musical about memes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
