Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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