I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
