im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize