it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
These tits shall not be calmed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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