Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
