Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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