Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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