it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
