i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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