You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
