Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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