So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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