Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
