...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
