just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize