Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
