He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
