I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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