Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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