Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
