Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
