Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
