the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
